In the frenzy that is winter break, some take a vacation, others hang out with friends and many spend time with those they love.
But only a few, a happy few, a band of brothers pose a bold question for this beloved season: What should I not do this December?
Here are the five worst winter activities. Avoid at all costs.
Go to Cal High or study for SAT
Please don’t go to Cal. No one will be there.
Sure, the campus looks like a winter wonderland. But rest assured that gone away is the blue bird, and here to stay is the new bird, and the song she’s singing is not one worth sticking around for.
In the comfort of one’s own home, one can enjoy the aroma of sugar cookies baking in the oven. But at Cal, the only smell will be that of mystery meat.
Instead of going to Cal, students should embrace sleeping in, wearing pajamas all day, eating cereal for dinner, and swapping their copy of Hamlet for a good Buzzfeed quiz.
An equally terrible activity is studying for the SAT. Yes, it might be a priority for some students, but it isn’t recommended.
There’s a time and place for studying, and students won’t be holly or jolly doing their fifth practice test of the week.
Generally, it’s a good idea to be far away from the halls of academia this break.
Visit the Sacramento-San Joaquin Delta
According to Wikipedia, this location is “…an expansive inland river delta and estuary…in Contra Costa, Sacramento, San Joaquin, Solano and Yolo Counties.” This is just a fancy way of calling it a swamp.
Only those trying to reconnect with their inner Shrek should take a trip to this muddy mess.
Attend a bad concert
While music preferences are subjective, there are some objectively bad concerts.
Take for example “Bully” Ellish, who bullies her audience with cruel and demeaning songs. Maybe one used to float, but at this concert, they’ll just fall down.
Please do not consider a Harry “Has No Style” show, where Harry dresses so atrociously that one loses the cognitive ability to even hear music. Don’t go to this concert. It’s better for one to keep their life as it was.
Avoid a Sabrina “the Carpenter” production, where Sabrina just does carpentry the entire time. A lot of espresso is needed for this one. Even for these artists, Ticketmaster would surely charge a fortune.
Tour Minerva “University”
The Minerva Project allegedly has a 1% acceptance rate, making it the most competitive college in America, three times more academically competitive than top schools such as Harvard or CalTech.
Yeah, right.
To paraphrase from the MIT Admissions blog, MIT student Chris Peterson called Minerva an exploitative institution that treats students like customers.
Travel to Oceania
Not to be confused with the continent, one should avoid Oceania, the country in which George Orwell’s dystopian novel, “1984”, is set.
Orwell’s imaginary nation is described to seem nearly as putrid as pineapple on pizza, “The hallway smelt of boiled cabbage and old rag mats,” Orwell wrote in a passage from 1984.
That’s neither demure nor mindful.
With finals over once students start break, and January just around the corner, it’s the perfect time to take a breather. Just be sure to stay far from dystopian nightmares and crappy concerts.
Well, maybe just one Tailor Swift concert would be OK.
