In our four years at Cal, there have been numerous instances of triumph and success. But we want to focus on the lowlights, so to say. Welcome to the Class of 2021’s Senior Worsts. 

Worst Victims of Theft: The Football Team. The suspects must have been named “De”, “La,” and “Salle” with how they ran away with the game. A literal Grand Theft Auto heist takes place right under their noses. Guess you could say, they didn’t catch the blitz on or off the field.  

Worst SoundCloud Rap Career: Chase Watson. ’Twas the year of 2017. The summer was hot, the school year was almost over, and the gender-neutral bathroom was filled with Juul smoke.  Chase Watson had hyped up his LEGENDARY release Juul in the Schuul for months, and everyone was hotly anticipating the drop (no, not that kind).  Needless to say, when the song came out nobody was really pleased to be listening to “Juul in the Schuul” looped 50 times and recorded on an Apple headphone mic. It did manage to rack up over 3,700 plays though, so nicely done, Chase.

Worst Environmental Protest: Zach Jellin. That feeling when you bring a tree to school. Nobody really knows why this happened, but the tree did end up in a toilet. Greta Thunberg would be proud. 

Worst Scavenger Hunt: Kaitlyn Perry. Dumpster diving sucks. Dumpster diving for AirPods that you left on your lunch tray is just straight up demoralizing. When consumerism drags you into the abyss, leaving you with nothing but the gut-wrenching odor of garbage, then you may truly claim your spot as a master of the scavenger hunt. 

Worst Body Modification: Anthony Naprawa. Getting your ears pierced hurts. Especially when you have your doubles done improperly by an untrained student during your lunch period, which leads to an infection of your ‘lobe. Real hole in the head there.

Worst Dietary Decision: Dustin Smith. Dustin thought it’d be funny if he straight up ate an AirPod. It was. But it all left us worried about if/how it came out the other end. Hope your intestines are doing OK, buddy.

Worst Dressed: Jackson Graham. Everyday is pajama day for Jackson. The drip is real. If you aren’t rocking with a beanie and some plaid sweatpants during school each and every day, maybe you’d prefer his iconic fit that he wears in the workplace as a McDonald’s store manager. 

Worst Photographer: Ben Olson. He can barely operate any form of electronics. He wouldn’t know what a camera was if you put one right in front of his face. And to add onto that, his sports writing skills are well below average. The only traits keeping him afloat is his ability to make some delicious chicken tetrazzini.

Worst Improv Team Captain: Brady Horton. Brady accidentally assembled an improv team made up entirely of the Class of 2021.  Unfortunately, they’re all graduating this year, so Mission Improvable probably isn’t going to exist after June 3.  Nice going, Brady. You literally destroyed a team that had existed for many years before you were a Grizzly.

Worst Newspaper Editor: Josh Nichols. This guy doesn’t even know how to properly execute page layout. He couldn’t tell you what “newspaper style” is if you paid him. His roving obsessions with social credit and Tex Mex have only led to his fall from grace. He has a nearly identical career arch as Gardner Minshew, but comes with one one-hundredth the facial hair, and one hundred times less flair. His only redeeming qualities? He can make an epic vegetable tier list, and has learned how to tie his shoes. 

Worst Senior Year Experience: Class of 2021. No prom. Ball in the quad. Zoom classes everyday for nearly a year and a quarter. Most competitive college admissions cycle the nation has ever seen. This year was kinda bad, bro.