With every day that goes by that we have to endure eight grueling hours at an educational institution comes that insatiable urge to just… not care.  

As we get closer and closer to the end of the school year, a seasonal epidemic sweeps through our school. Tardies are stockpiled, attendance is spotty, grades slide, and we become zombie drifters wandering around longing for summer.

Many scientists have described this phenomenon as senioritis.  The root “senior” suggests that this pathogen is isolated to seniors, those that are months away from going to better, more fun, or at least different, places.  

But doing a statistical analysis and looking at research from very intelligent AP Psychology students, we see that this isn’t the case. Senioritis in fact sweeps through all grade levels.  

All students seem to abhor the idea of even having just a few weeks before summer vacation.  We stop turning in homework, start swearing a lot more, and pretty much mentally check out. 

Even many of the Cal teachers seem to be contracting senioritis as they start losing assignments and texting in between lecture slides. Hypocrisy?  Does that project really have educational value or is it just easier to grade than a bunch of papers and tests? 

It is an intimidating and grand problem, but not one without a solution. It turns out this debilitating feeling that overwhelms us in the spring always recedes in the summer before resurfacing the following February.  

After consulting WebMD, it turns out the antidote to senioritis is actually the summer break we get from school.  As we walk around campus in August, we will feel bold and confident, and pity the enthusiastic and eager freshmen. How naive.

This feeling is completely normal as well. It is the realization that we have just made it one level higher on the Cal caste system, so here some pointers on being an upperclassmen, or at least not a freshman.

Snag a locker on the first or second floor immediately.  Freshmen are usually assigned lockers on the third floor, so unless there’s a lock already there, take it.  No one is going to have your lock cut.  There is no point in waiting for others to fill up the good lockers and having to walk up three flights stairs twice a day.

People will also shove you on the first floor of the main building.  Don’t fight them but don’t just get knocked around.  T-Pose on them and assert your dominance.

Stop complaining about your sleep and homework. Seriously.  We upperclassmen brag about surviving on no sleep and having 17 zeros. Furthermore, don’t do stuff because your friends are doing it.  That’s for freshman since they haven’t accepted their imminent verbal commitment to DVC. 

You have so many opportunities to hang with people, so try new things, meet new people and you can spend time with all of your friends

Finally, work on your “upperclassmen energy”.  It’s not something you can put into words.  If  you don’t know it, you don’t have it. Deep wrinkles under the eyes will show that you have accomplished that desired vibe, or maybe not getting out of bed until 4 p.m. 

Senioritis is an art, and nobody can truly master it without the necessary steps. So to the class of 2020, get ready. The eye bags are waiting.