This lovely high school that we’re privileged enough to attend is one of the highest ranked in the state. 

But that isn’t because of high graduation rates, test scores, or alumni success stories.

It’s our top-of-the-line bathrooms that put the rest of the country’s public schools to shame.

So, in the spirit of Buzzfeed, I’m going to be breaking down the top five best bathrooms on our glorious campus.

Drum roll please.

5 – The World 

Language Bathroom

Kicking off our list are the bathrooms on the backside of the world language building next to waste of space, nonfunctional vending machines. 

These have to be, by far, the most aesthetically pleasing restrooms on campus. They make it on this list for their visual appeal alone. 

The flickering lights in the boys’ bathroom truly make the pools of urine contrast from the uneven tile, creating a truly unique color palette. 

As an added bonus, cockroaches will occasionally scurry around to keep you company and provide entertainment while you do your business.

4 – The Fine Arts 

Building Bathroom

Less is more, they always say. 

Except in this particular instance. In this case, bigger is better. 

The fine arts building bathrooms are incredibly spacious, and allows for patrons to move freely around, even stretch. 

In fact, before school at 8:20 a.m. every Wednesday, a yoga class is held in both the boys’ and girls’ restrooms. 

Definitely be sure to check these out the next time you’re in the area.

3- The Bathroom in the Commons

Man, talk about THE place to be. This is easily the most poppin’ bathroom in the school, possibly in the entire world. 

If you’re ever looking for a good time, head on in and you’re guaranteed to find at least 13 other people. 

It has an atmosphere similar to a Playboi Carti concert. Music is constantly blaring, moshes are breaking out, and everyone is just enjoying themselves in the haze of it all.  

You’ll never fail to leave without a smile on your face, an extra bounce in your step, and an emptied bladder.

2- The Main Building Bathrooms

I honestly can’t really comment on these, considering they’re always locked.

1- That Secret 

Bathroom in the Band Room I’ve Been Hearing So Much About

The most rave reviews surrounding any bathroom at Cal are all regard the bathroom in the band room, which I myself have never been to. But based on what I’ve heard, I feel 100 percent confident when I tell you that this one is the absolute best of the best. 

It’s transcendent of bathroom status, and blurs the line between lavatory and living room. 

Heated floors, bidets, open buffets, a bathroom attendant. 

Imagine everything that I could possibly make up on the spot about this facility, and it has it. 

Those who have used it claim that the experience was, “The closest they’ve ever felt to God,” and that it, “Restored their faith in humanity.” 

Unfortunately, it’s a luxury reserved only for those in band, which is why the majority of us will never get to experience this for ourselves. 

But we can dream.

Oh, we can dream.

That’s it guys. Come back here every month for more pointless lists in an arbitrary order.