As expected, teens stuck in the confines of school have gone under the radar with vaping these days, taking a step further than an average nicotine-based JUUL. It’s along the lines of marijuana now.

It’s expected to see high school students stoned in statistics, baked in biology, even inebriated in English. 

Thanks to technological prowess from vapor companies, “dab pens” have become as small as the size of a common writing instrument in school. How could one even discern a Papermate black ink pen from a dab pen these days? 

These concealable cannabis vaporizers use one of two marijuana concentrates: wax, referred to as a “dab”, or CO2 hash oil. The pen heats up the concentrates and vaporizes them, changing into a gaseous state. 

All technicalities aside, these are merely rumors. Cal students would never compromise their public decency and lawful obedience in these situations. 

That’s why we have probable cause to question the poor etiquette of all those Dougherty Valley slackers. They’re the “true culprits” of this immoral epidemic. Not our beloved Cal classmates.

One could only imagine the shenanigans that go on at “Dougherty”, nothing Cal students could ever witness.

“Dougherty” students have to conceal their pens in a pocket or sleeve, hide it in their socks, and so on. 

The creativity is boundless with these vagrant “vapers” in order to hide the smoke emitted from their mouths.

They could blow the smoke into their backpacks, sleeves, or just blow it in their teachers’ faces to disperse the spiteful smoke. If totally desperate, the troublesome kids of “Dougherty” are likely to go to their nearest bathrooms outside of class. 

What an ordeal it must be to get plastered/tanked in “Precalc/Trig” these days.

“If you’re gonna do it, at least don’t do it at school,” said senior Josey Verespey. “It seems like something you shouldn’t do because it makes facilities smell bad and it’s harmful.” 

 “[‘Dougherty’ students] are dorks,” boldly stated Verespey, looking down upon the actions at the “home of the Wildcats.” 

“It’s illegal and they could get caught,” freshman Davis Ryan said. 

“It’s bad because they don’t focus on schoolwork when they could be doing their homework or studying for tests.”

Why would anyone want to get stoned at school when there’s so much else to do?

These natural highs are spoiled by these dab pens! It’s so much of an effort to go out of your way and ruin your school day, potentially getting in trouble with admin and the law.