With the prospect of World War III on the table, the thought of a draft has crossed the minds of many in the U.S.

It isn’t an entirely irrational thought, so I’ve compiled a list of 10 easy tips to help you dodge the draft.

Tip 1: Get packing. One of the best ways to avoid the draft is to avoid America all together. Pack your bags and head on down to South America. I would advise against European countries, especially Russia, because if this war happens, they are sure to be involved.

Tip 2: Legally change your last time to Smith, Johnson or Jones. It will make it a lot more difficult to be enlisted without a unique last name. After all, how can the government find you if you have the same name as everyone else?

Tip 3: Become the president. When have you ever heard of the president being drafted? Not to mention all of the cool perks you get as president, such as having virtually zero consequences for your words or actions and getting to play golf as much as you want.

Tip 4: Donate millions to your local politician. If you cannot be a politician, you’d do just as well to buy their influence. Trust me, funding a politician will secure you far reaching benefits beyond your wildest dreams.

Tip 5: Enlist willfully. If you don’t want to be forcefully enlisted just enlist of your own volition. There are plenty of military careers to choose from that don’t involve a violent death. I bet someone has probably said the military is kind of like Boy Scouts or something. That sounds pretty fun to me.

Tip 6: Just don’t go. Can the government really make you enlist in the military? To be honest, that sounds like a bluff.

Tip 7: Volunteer at your local animal shelter. Our government has come under fire for being problematic but they aren’t monsters. They may not respect the lives of immigrants, people of color, women, etc., but surely they respect the service of our animal shelter volunteers.

There’s no way the government would steal you from such a selfless cause at the expense of its own peace of mind.

Tip 8: Grow a beard. The government thinks they have you under their thumb with new facial recognition technology, but let’s see how it fairs against the challenge of facial hair. I would recommend shaving your head for added security.

Tip 9: Go vegan. If you go vegan the government will recognize you as a superior citizen and refuse to enforce mandatory service.

Tip 10: Get pregnant. The government won’t force you to go into the military with a baby on board. Could you imagine the immense cost of buying new uniforms every time those little guys grow out of them? That would be ridiculous.

In any case, the prospect of World War III stresses me out but these tips should prove to be useful in dodging the draft.