As human beings, certain bodily functions are necessary for survival and thus deserve to be respected. Our school, however, has at times exhibited blatant disrespect for these functions with dirty, poorly-stocked restrooms. So we decided to investigate, and find out exactly which bathrooms are adequate for human use. To do so, we inspected each accessible bathroom on campus on multiple occasions, and scored them based on six categories. And now, without further ado, the two best and two worst restrooms on campus.

Old Gym

Supplies: 6 Men’s/10 Women’s

Cleanliness: 8/10

Business: 10/10

Stalls: 8/10

Graffiti: 9/10

Accessability: 4/1

Subtotal: 45/51

Composite Score: 96

The Best: The Old Gym, 6 Stars

Josh: This is a very, very nice bathroom. It is clean,  spacious, and usually empty. At first glance, the only downside is that it is up a flight of stairs and is sometimes locked. But a deeper look will tell you the truth – this bathroom is haunted.

I visited this restroom while collecting data for this article and while the door was open, the lights were off and could only be turned on with a key. I pulled out my phone to use as a flashlight and began taking notes, talking to myself a bit.

Suddenly, I heard feet shuffle in the darkness. I bolted out of there and back into the daylight, terrified. I waited outside for quite some time, but nobody ever exited the bathroom.

Chiara: Pristine. Spotless and spacious. A bathroom so pure, one step inside would whisk you away to a paradise of fresh running water and an endless stream of toilet paper. If only it weren’t locked 23/7.

Event Center

Supplies: 8 Men’s/8 Women’s

Cleanliness: 8/9

Business: 9/9

Stalls: 6/6

Graffiti: 10/9

Accessability: 6/6

Subtotal: 47/46

Composite Score: 93

Event Center Bathroom

Josh: This bathroom definitely surprised me. While only having two stalls is a major negative, the men’s bathroom itself was, surprisingly, spotless. Barely any trash or graffiti to be seen. It’s kind of on the edge of campus, so not the easiest to get to, but also conveniently on ground level. And, to top it all off, the drinking fountain next to these restrooms is quality. Easily one of the most underrated facilities on campus.

Chiara: The event center women’s bathroom is quite the hidden gem. The bathroom itself is second only to the Fine Arts bathroom in terms of spaciousness and has mirrors the band/choir room bathroom would die for. The stalls were all relatively clean, but pretty squeaky when opening and closing. Overall, it’s a great bathroom, but ranked lower because it’s pretty inaccessible unless you’re in PE, a rally, or at an after school event. 

Worst Two Bathrooms

First Floor Bathroom

Supplies: 1 Men’s/7 Women’s

Cleanliness: 4/3

Business 2/2

Stalls: 6/8

Graffiti: 7/10

Accessability: 8/8

Subtotal: 28/38

Composite Score: 66

The Worst (tied): First Floor Bathroom, 2.5 stars

Josh: The men’s first floor bathroom is simply subpar. While it is certainly easy to access and the level of graffiti was much lower than expected, the soap dispensers aren’t even on the walls anymore. Since the bathroom is so easily accessible, it is also fairly busy and fairly messy. It certainly shouldn’t be your first choice.

Chiara: The women’s first floor bathroom was, stocked fairly well, albeit a little low on paper towels.

The stalls, surprisingly, are scot-free of graffiti considering the number of angsty teenagers that go through them each day.The mess, however, was the worst of all the women’s bathrooms in the school.

Maybe the paper towels all over the floor and sinks were the reason there were no paper towels left.

Language Building

Supplies: 3 Men’s/5 Women’s

Cleanliness: 5/5

Business: 6/6

Stalls: 1/9

Graffiti: 6/10

Accessability: 6/6

Subtotal: 27/47

Composite Score: 71

The Worst (tied): Language Building, 2.5 stars

Josh: No matter what the scores say, this is the worst bathroom on campus, by far. The men’s room has two stalls, neither of which lock, and no soap dispenser even on the wall.

The room itself was an old, run-down mess, as well. A corner of the wall near the urinals was even deteriorating before my very eyes! I’d rather let my bladder explode than suffer through five minutes in here.

Chiara: One of the older, more run down bathrooms in the school, this bathroom is a quick place to stop by to relieve yourself and check up on hair and makeup. The longest lines are usually no more than three people long, but this may be due to the fact that the bathroom isn’t as modern or crisp as others. The stalls are graffiti free though, but there is a tendency for the paper towels to be on the floor rather than in the dispenser.

Honorable Mention

Theater Lobby

The theater lobby bathrooms are quite possibly the absolute best in the whole school. However, the lobby doors are rarely – if ever – unlocked during school hours, and even if they are, often the restroom doors themselves are locked. However, if you are ever lucky enough to find yourself relieving yourself in this holy grail of a bathroom, you will certainly never forget the experience.

Bathrooms Ranked Best to Worst (with composite scores)

1. Old Gym – 96
2. Event Center – 93
3. Fine Arts Building – 91
4. Commons – 85
5. Band/Choir Rooms – 79
6. Second Floor – 74
7. Third Floor – 72
8. Language Building – 71
9. First Floor – 66