Dolphins are the cute, cuddly and innocent friends of the sea.

But in the case of six dolphins currently patrolling the ports of Russia, all is not as it seems.

That’s right, as a part of a program dating back to the 1960s, Russia over-seas its very own fleet of “attack dolphins.”

Sound ridiculous? That’s exactly why Russia, as of this year, has expanded its fleet to include five more dolphins as part of an initiative to weaponize cuteness.

All jokes aside, these dolphins are rumored to pack some serious firepower. In the past, it has been said that Russian attack dolphins have had access to an arsenal including 12-gauge shotguns, harpoons, poisonous needles, and even occasionally bombs, according to The Washington Post’s website.

The weapons are reportedly strapped to the dolphins, but how a dolphin manages to use a high-powered shotgun or harpoon is anyone’s guess. Rumor has it that they are powered by something called “bogus Russian propaganda.”

Interesting.

While there are no recorded instances of these weapons being used, attack dolphins have become a surprisingly hot commodity over the years.

Russia actually stole the dolphins from Ukraine after the invasion of Crimea in 2014, after Ukraine had kept them ensuing the collapse of the USSR. Currently, Ukraine is asking Russia to return the dolphins, with the slogan, “Russia can take our dignity, but not our dolphins!”

Even the United States used dolphins as minesweepers until 2012, and countries such as North Korea and Israel have also experimented with weaponized dolphins in the past.

The Iranian military purchased 27 attack dolphins from Russia back in 2000, in a deal that included beluga whales, sea lions, and walruses among the dolphins. No further word was heard about these brave aquatic soldiers following the exchange.

My guess is they have already infiltrated our zoos, acting as spies. Watch out America.

So let’s recap.

Russia, among other notable countries, has invested large sums of money to train several sea mammals, mainly dolphins, to use lethal weapons to attack enemies.

Hey, Russia is good for something sometimes, even if it’s just for comedic relief.

In the age of technology and robots, one would think that maybe a more effective, less- living alternative would be produced. I guess this is just one of Russia’s ways of retaining its title as the drunken capital of the world.

Just the idea of purposely ramming dolphins into mines seems just wrong. What did dolphins ever do to you, Russia?

A quick Google search revealed that many dolphins enjoy homosexual relations with other dolphins on a regular basis, according to bbc.com. Not trying to jump to conclusions here, but I’m watching you, Putin.

OK, maybe that was a bit of a stretch, but the point is clear. Training dolphins to act as soldiers of the deep is just a flat out silly idea. The fact that the United States employed similar training until recently also doesn’t make anything much better.

Not much is known about the full capability of these dolphins, but next time you go to see the dolphins perform at SeaWorld, maybe front row seats are not the best choice.