An accident has occurred.

While celebrating his recent victory in saving a noticeable portion of the East Bay Area, Pierce Woodward went to the beach.

To. Chill. Out.

A rogue wave crashed up on the rocks near him and smothered him in salt water.

Normally that wouldn’t be so bad. But given Woodward’s power to control electricity, the drenched young man fizzled.

With a bright flash, all but the wrath of Zeus blasted him and a half-mile radius out of existence.

Working as his editor for a year has been quite a pleasure, and it pains me to see this photo as the end.

The silver lining of this event is that, before his death, he did have some drafts of advice to Cal High students that we can post here.

These are Pierce Woodward’s final words.

– The Californian

Dear Woodward of Wisdom,

I hear on the announcements every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday that we should “stay classy.” What is the meaning of this?

Sincerely, The Majority

Dear The Majority,

I’m so glad you asked. As one of the people who gives announcements during those times, I am especially close to this question.

As some of you could have guessed, the short version is that it came from the film “Anchorman” starring Will Ferrell.

His charisma and ’stache are just overwhelming.

The long answer is that it’s a goal that we had for all those attending Cal High.

I’m not just talking about the periods of time you spend napping three times a day (my definition of classes).

I’m talking about how we at this school should act. Y’know, holding doors open for people, respect, that kind of thing for all genders.

Even our administration, who have really tried to make this year good for us despite last year’s legacy and pressure from the district.

What I’m confused about is the resistance I’ve encountered against this phrase. Do students at this school actively not want to be classy?

I suppose that’s my question for you, and I’m being honest here. I’m a senior leaving this year, so I just want to know.

Is the breed of gentlemen dying by popular demand, peer pressure, delusions of manliness, or what?

Man, do I sound pretentious right now. I don’t care. Take it how you will.

Dear Woodward of Wisdom,

How do I leave my boyfriend?

Sincerely, Your Girlfriend.

Dear…my girlfriend?

Wait, babe, not like this. This is not how you leave your boyfriend.

You leave your boyfriend by meeting him at neutral ground, or maybe even someplace he feels comfortable, because he’s going to have a bad time.

You tell him. You may hug him. But you may not kiss him under any circumstances.

You could buy him a bunch of ice cream. It won’t solve everything, but it’ll soften (serve) the blow.

Oh no, is that why you’re breaking up with me? My puns? I’ll admit that one was in extreme bad taste.

I’d say I could change, but we all know that’s not going to happen. Puns just kind of come out of me.

Don’t break up with him in public. I mean, you can do it in a public place, but still do it privately.

I don’t know whether to use the pronoun “him” or “me.” This question is just really weird to answer.