Hey guys, before I can give you your first words of wisdom for 2015, I’ve got some things I need to tell you.

First off, I’m very proud of myself. I did some charity work for my neighbors, using my powers to light an entire block of Christmas lights. I’m developing more control so only one house caught fire. My family ended up giving them a new roof for Christmas.

Secondly, remember that blue suit I was wearing when I was kidnapped last year? I made a contact in the police department and had them run some tests on it. Hopefully I’ll be able to tell you guys the results next month. Maybe it will tell me where my abductors are, so I can get answers.

Meanwhile, you Grizzlies get all my attention.

Dear Woodward of Wisdom,

My record for keeping a New Year’s resolution is 37 hours. I’ve been told to get help so I’m coming to you.

Sincerely, the Holiday Letdown

Dear Holiday Letdown,

First of all, you’re not the only letdown. I’m a letdown. My friends are mostly letdowns. There’s a little bit of a letdown in all of us.

So let’s all put our heads together and find a solution to this sad, sad problem.

And by our heads, I really mean just mine because I’m the only one who writes this column. Sometimes I’m the only one who reads it.

Nah, I kid, my editor reads it too.

Back to the subject of resolutions. It’s all about willpower and conscious thought. The first thing you need to realize is it only gets easier after the first time completing a resolution.

My resolution is to get better sleep. I’m going to set an alarm for midnight every night, and force myself to take some melatonin when it goes off. That way I won’t be able to stay up later even if I want to.

So just like that, it’s all about tricks. Find something that you can live with doing, that ends up forcing you to complete your goal.

For exercising, I would put my music on shuffle and any time one of my favorite pump up songs would come on, I would have to do sit ups, push ups, planks, flutter kicks, anything I could think of until the song was over. The music helped me get in the mood, and my resolve pushed me to turn the mood into energy.

Unless, as one of my friends said, your resolution is to eat more tacos. I don’t think you need to trick yourself into eating a taco.

Dear Woodward of Wisdom,

I helped put out a fire in a neighbor’s house once. Does that make me a hero? If not, how do I become one?

Sincerely, My Name Is Not Buddy

Dear Buddy,

First off, it’s really awesome that you did that for your neighbor. Some of the people I respect most out of anyone are the firefighters of 9/11. Though you weren’t quite at that caliber, I still consider you a hero.

In my resolute opinion, there are many types of heroes. From those like George Washington who save a whole people from the brink of dictatorship to any great friend who doles out morale to anyone in seeming need of it.

Honestly, I believe the world could use more of the latter hero than the first. Or lies on, if they’re particularly lazy on a warm summer day.

But I know why you asked this, and I’ll address that. How do you impress that one person you want to impress by doing something very daring and, well, heroic?

Do what I did. Get kidnapped by some mysterious figure in the background of all your pictures, be taken to a secure testing facility, develop super powers, break out, and save the world from whatever crisis arises.

Well, my editor just told me the above is “impractical and terrible advice.” I don’t think he’s ever tried it.

But if you’re anything like my editor or weren’t breastfed, just try this. A hero is a lot of different things from the perspectives of different people.

Just find a way to be a hero for that one person your heart is set on. Be there for them when they need someone. And trust me, at some point, everybody needs someone.