Winter is upon us here at Cal High, bringing with it a plethora of holidays.

This season, it’s likely that you have the obligation to send out some gifts. Being as well-liked as I am, I have to give many gifts to my friends and teachers.

Every gift has to have some sort of significance. But how can one find that perfect gift without breaking the bank?

Today, dear readers, we will find out.

Every friend group usually has some element that everyone in the group has in common, so it would make sense to give each of your squadron some sort of matching gift.

For example, a different color scarf or watch for each friend is a cute way to show that you are all friends till the end (of these four stressful years, and then maybe during college, because I mean, keeping in touch is kind of hard, you know?).

A great benefit of these matching gifts is that everyone who walks by you will think you all belong to a cult.

If regular friends are Milky Way bars, then best friends are like Midnight Milky Way bars: rarer, better, and way more goth.

As much as they’ll enjoy your weird cult scarf, you should really go the extra mile for your best friends.

It’s common knowledge that every Cal senior must go on a Blood Quest in order to graduate.

But most students don’t realize that their closest companion can accompany them on their quest. Your best friend can walk three feet behind you wearing special silent shoes, and you are not allowed to look back and check on them.

Prepare your bestie for this rich Cal tradition by giving them something special. Many alumni say that the most useful Blood Quest objects are carved quartz stones, bags of dried yarrow, and a dagger with a Hot Topic hair ribbon tied around the handle.

Wrap up any of these delightful objects, along with a cassette recording of a regretful stream or a mourning sparrow, and you’ll have the perfect holiday gift for your best friend.

Underclassmen have plenty of time for this, so maybe this year just give them a collage of cute pictures and something with their favorite band or TV show.

Teachers are perhaps among the most overlooked gift recipients. Students are under the impression that teachers survive solely on tissue boxes, cutesy mugs, and cards with ham fisted references to their subject.

Why not give your teacher a set of self-made coupons? Each coupon can promise something special.

Some good ideas are: an hour of grading assignments, one heartwarming speech to fellow students about how hard this teacher works, or one custom email to admin crafted to be as snide and passive-aggressive as possible while not risking the teacher’s job.

We can pick our friends but one gift recipient is completely up to chance: the Secret Santa. Any student in an extracurricular activity is familiar with the old name-drawn-from-a-hat routine.

Here’s the secret to Secret Santa: the best gift for a randomly chosen person is a randomly chosen present.

Go on Amazon and find 20 different objects. Assign each object a number and randomly pick one using a generator.

Perhaps your giftee will be upset by an ill-fitting gift. Take this time to remind them that we are all randomly chosen objects in the Amazon catalogue of life.

Hormones run wild in high school, and if you are one of the lucky kids who has snagged a sweetheart, you might be having some trouble finding a gift.

People often bemoan how different dating is nowadays, what with our smart phones and social media and lack of polio.

Show your date that you still have some of that old fashioned charm by whipping out a cute handmade vintage gift: matching Victorian hair lockets. All you need are two lockets, a pair of scissors, and misplaced nostalgia.

When your main squeeze isn’t looking, cut off a chunk of hair and braid it. Then cut and braid your own hair. Glue each chunk inside a locket, clasp it shut, and voila!

Give your partner your hair locket and keep theirs around your neck at all times. Just like the good old days.

Not everyone has someone to hold with their butt on homecoming night. But the holidays are the perfect time to capture someone’s heart just in time for the Winter Semi-Formal.

The fastest way to someone’s heart is through their stomach, and your crush is no exception.

Bake some cute wintery cupcakes and have them spell out the phrase “Go out with me” in peppermint frosting. Be sure to scramble the letters before you see them. Then, ask them to help you unscramble the words.

Once they figure it out, give them a bashful smile and wink. But be careful. They could unscramble a more unfortunate phrase, like “Outweigh Tom,” “Huge Twit Moo,” and “Me go without.”

If your crush isn’t very bright, just take the safe route and bake a cake with a flattering picture of them printed on the frosting.

With all of these great gift ideas, there’s no way you can  go wrong this year.

Happy holidays!