There are a lot of twists and turns, insight and intrigue, food and fun that can fit into three hours. At Cal High Theatre 2/3’s production of Menu Mayhem, there was room for a bit more.

The positives of this productions can be said in a very short span of newsprint. The wait staff was well-behaved, the silent-auction offerings were tolerable, and the food was delectable.

Another good point were the costumes. Each costume portrayed the character well, and they were all colorful and unique.

However.

We have never been to a municipal dump before, so we don’t  actually know what a metric ton of garbage looks like, but we can infer it is very similar to the show we saw on November 1.

The direction was good, but many of the actors just had no idea what to do with it. One actor was supposed to have a cane, and had absolutely no idea how to properly use it. Another’s character seemed to have a cough, as the actor kept retching on stage, which detracted not only from his character but the entire show.

We’ve seen tax audits with more character than these actors.

This was regardless of the script. Comprehending this play was like being forced to eat a brick wall with a spoon with no handle. The plot was harder to follow than the Loch Ness monster on a pitch-dark night.

From our seats near the side, there were times when entire scenes were blocked from our vision. We also couldn’t hear the actors at some points, as the microphones were not used as well as possible. In other words, we had no idea what was going on.

The play involved the audience at points, the biggest involvement being that we had to figure out who killed one of the main characters. It sounds great in theory.

Well, not when a bunch of evidence is revealed at the very end, and it turns out the killer had a sex change and had a hypnotist put a dormant suggestion in the dead character to kill himself when a certain thing happened.

More like deus ex machiNOT.

Though the wait staff was very helpful, the system was set up so terribly that we had finished our meals long before the other side of the room had even seen their food.

There were two students in charge of the sound. First, they didn’t need two people. Second, they rarely ever did anything. Third, when the actually did something, such as stop the portable speakers’ shrieking feedback, it was about 10-20 seconds late.

The play was partly an “improvised play,” yet the whole thing felt like an early-stage rehearsal.

And the cherry on top of this sundae of a production were the three hours it took of a perfectly good Saturday night. Let us say that again: three hours. Some scenes were needlessly lengthy, people were left waiting for food for long periods of time, and there were quite a few random, long pauses without any action.

We would’ve felt more productive bathing in a French latrine with an iron bar of soap.

So pretty much the evening could’ve gone a lot better, and we cannot recommend this production.