Good to write to you again.

Last issue was cut a bit short and my recent activities were transferred online to The Californian website. The following may contain confusing material without previous knowledge of my escapades. On we go.

As you know, the experiments I was put through were designed to turn me into a super human. They didn’t work.

Well, at least I thought they hadn’t. Over the month, however, I’ve been feeling like I have more energy, more, I don’t know, power?

Culminating very recently into the picture you see below.

Yep, it seems they worked really well. I can control electricity.  Of course, this has resulted in experiments that cost me a microwave and a friendship, but ultimately I think it’s worth it.

I’ve figured out how to charge my phone without a charger. I have energy to run as long as I desire.

But I’m a little bit scared. I mean, obviously this kind of thing has never been done before. There’s no telling what kind of effects this is having on me, or if these new powers could possibly progress into a natural disaster or something.

In the meantime, I’ll stick with something I’m good at. Addressing your lovely concerns.

Dear Wooodward of Wisdom,

How can I tell if a boy likes me?

Sincerely, Yours Truly

Dear Yours Truly,

If he’s not a pansy, he’ll tell you. Guys, grow a pair.

Sadly, not all guys think like me. I’m extremely honest and sometimes it ends up not in my favor.

Anyway, to answer your question, it really depends on the guy. If I’m feeling in the mood before actually telling a girl I like her, I’ll give her a lot of smiles, and maybe tease her a bit. That is, if she’s in my league.

Unfortunately, I’ve had the honor of falling for those of much higher, um, status than I.

For those ladies, I generally try to be better than I am, which, of course, is very hard to do. Thus, I end up just a bit flustered and tend to say odd things.

“Hey-I’m-Pierce-and-you-have-lovely-earlobes!” Good lord.

My best advice is to study your man to learn how he acts normally (try to do it in the least stalker-ish way possible), and then figure out if he changes at all when he’s around you.

But guys, she shouldn’t have to do this. If you’re man enough to find a girl attractive, use your manhood, if you know what I mean. Nut up or shut up, and don’t you dare complain if she gets taken.

Dear Woodward of Wisdom,

Comprendo Español y solamente Español. Ayudame?

Gracias, Jugando Conitgo

Dear Jugando Conitgo,

Plebeian.

You assume the finesse and perspicacity involved in the execution of our vernacular inherited yet refined from our European ancestors could be elucidated in a solitary assemblage of passages. And that, you sophomoric Spaniard, is all you need to know about the English language.