With AP testing finally out of the way, many students are able to return to their lives here at Cal High.

These dreaded tests took over the minds of so many students, bred countless nightmares, and sent fear through the bodies of the doomed.

“I had to watch my AP tester fail me, I couldn’t take it,” said sophomore Arman Sufi, recounting a recurring nightmare of his. “And I wasn’t even wearing any clothes!”

Why are these tests so scary? For starters, they take up to five hours. In order to keep their brains from collapsing short of the finish line, students use multiple strategies, such as downing energy drinks.

A few things can happen when one consumes an energy drink. First, the desired effect, where students  have lots of energy to  focus and get stuff done. Next, they have a ton of energy but absolutely no focus. Students start noticing cool things around the room that they’ve never seen before, and ponder their significance in the universe. Finally, students have a giggle-fest and crash harder than an overworked computer. This may or may not have come from personal experience.

The only strategy not used is to sleep. Who has time for sleep when that time could be used  for a student to  possibly cram more information into their brain?

Another source of the tests’ nightmarish presence comes from their depth. If superfluous questions were eliminated from the tests, studying might actually be interesting.  Some of it might even be remembered.

“A big part of the students’ fear is the uncertainty,” AP Euro teacher Gary Lambert said. “No matter how much you study, an essay question can come out of the left field and stump you.”

But alas poor AP students, the sun doth in fact shine! Summer is nearly here and the birds are singing a beautiful and tear-inducing melody.

Now, a problem has risen. With so much free time, what are students going to do?

“Sleep, and more sleep,” said sophomore Zara Minwalla. “Then a ton of ‘Dr. Who’ and ‘SNL.’  A bunch of TV.”

Sleep is now an amazing thing. Before the test, students would go to bed with blaring thoughts about their studies and how screwed they feel. Now bed is a haven. Dreams no longer include devil-spawn tests in the nude.

For now, life is back to normal. Students can see friends again, maybe get a job, or just continue watching TV and sleeping. Either way, it’s good to have you back.