The time has come. The greatest and most powerful enemy of the supremely powerful United States has risen to powerful power.

North Korea possess weapons of great power, a powerful will, a fearless and immortal and power-filled leader, and an “unstop-power-able” military.

It has threatened the United States, claiming it will soon strike Washington, D.C., San Diego, and Austin, among other places in the U.S. And also Colorado Springs (for whatever reason), even though North Koreans don’t know where Colorado Springs is.

North Korea plans on doing all of this from halfway around the world, even though their missiles cannot travel farther than nearby Japan, and all of their previous missile tests have failed miserably.

But do not fear. The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK) can very easily develop this missile capability by bypassing the sanctions imposed on their country by the United Nations and their huge gap in technology with the rest of the world.

Very soon, North Korea will become a world superpower and bring about never-before-seen military might and take control of the planet.

And there is nothing the United States can do about it. Even with all our nuclear weapons, long-range bombers, aircraft carriers, special ops soldiers, and massive military, this country will crumble beneath the awesome and invincible might of the DPRK.

The first target of the newest world superpower is South Korea, the brother to North Korea. Although North Korea is seen as that younger brother that got dropped on his head after birth, the DPRK is actually that younger brother who keeps knives under his bed and a list of everyone who has wronged him in a diary under his pillow.

North Korea declared war on South Korea in the 1950s.  I am sure they are just waiting for the right time to attack, and they aren’t just afraid of being nuked into oblivion by America.

The military leaders of North Korea have been effectively biding their time, not playing up threats of nuclear strikes to coax us into giving the country food and medical aid every few months.

But worry not, North Korea will soon overcome South Korea’s defense of pocket monsters, K-pop militia, waves of tentacles, lolita cat girls, and Starcraft Grand Masters. Nothing can be done to save our allies in East Asia.

After absorbing Worse Korea, Best Korea will turn their attention to their enemy across the sea, Japan, which has previously owned all of the Korean Peninsula and is no match for North Korea. Since being controlled by Japan since 1910, North Korea wishes to exact cold, hard vengeance upon those that brought dishonor upon The Master Country.

The secret behind all of the future success of North Korea is its great and fearless leader, Kim Jong-Un (Or is it Il? Or is it Healthy? Or is it Sun? Or is it Moon?). Lil-Kim, just like his dead father, is truly immortal, and loved endlessly by his people. No one who expresses their dislike of him stays around long enough to be remembered.

North Korea is clearly well beyond anything this world has ever seen, a masterful country that is unstoppable.  Even China has given up on regulating North Korea, as the DPRK is much more powerful and cannot be controlled, even by the second largest economy in the world.

What can be done in the face of our impending doom? Our best hope is to lie down and subject ourselves to North Korea’s will, hoping it will be merciful to our infidelic customs and beliefs.

I suggest students purchase large posters of Kim Jong-Un, complete with his beautiful face and awe-inspiring physique, and build a shrine in their basement or attic, whichever you have at your house.

Worship this poster every night, and ask your new supreme leader for forgiveness. Those who wish to be a part of the great North Korean Empire, the great and powerful Kim Jong-Un will bless your soul and raise you to a new plane of existence.

Then, when the North Korean military marches down the streets, it will find you holding a North Korean flag proudly as you display your love of your new nation and they will accept you as their own.

Until our masters deliver freedom to the United States, we can only sit by and wait for our new overlords. All hail the Great Leader Kim Jong-whatever-it-is-now.