The sky is clear blue and the sun showers Cal High in golden light as students converse and skip about the campus in bliss. Suddenly, something white and ugly plummets from the sky and everyone becomes petrified.
“Run,” someone whispers, breaking the silence. Students scramble and take cover, fearful of being hit.
There’s a war that takes place every day at Cal. Everyone knows about the battles but rarely discusses this gruesome topic. Cal students are at war with…the birds.
Seagulls, crows, blackbirds, and other winged fiends of the like are known for their atrocious and spontaneous attacks. They hide in trees waiting for the perfect moment to plop a ‘white bomb’ on some unsuspecting student or administrator. Students recall flashbacks of such attacks with horror.
Junior Michael Chin tells a story when he and a few friends left their backpacks beneath the trees near the world language building, only to turn around and discover that their possessions had been tarnished by the enemy.
“We just turned around and there was bird poop all over our backpacks,” said Chin, the smallest hint of exasperation edging through his voice.
Some students, tired of having to face the daily paranoia of surprise ambushes, resorted to using armor for protection.
“Some of the people who sit by me at lunch were so afraid of being defecated on that they brought umbrellas,” said sophomore Saatvika Deshpande. “On sunny days, too, mind you.”
Too many people have been affected by this battle. Students have witnessed their friends fall victim to brutal and abrupt strikes. The luckier ones live on today to warn fellow comrades with accounts of their own experiences.
“One time I was walking to the library and this bird poops about two inches away from my foot,” said sophomore Jesse Gao. Although he suffered no injuries, such an event would have traumatized any student.
But the war seems to have turned to a better light.
“I haven’t been seeing (the birds) so much, actually,” said sophomore Shashank Rao.
The threat of the birds certainly has seem to have dwindled significantly, but students must still be ever wary of aerial attacks. There is always a possibility that birds will strike, and it’s only a matter of time until it happens again.
Will students ever be free from this reign of terror? Quoth the birds, “Nevermore.”
Follow Ye Rim Park on Twitter @yetipark.
