Stefan Chapman

Advice Columnist

Today marks one of the saddest days in history. Sincerely Stefan has passed away.

It was a very peaceful death. He arrived at school one day to write Sincerely Stefan, and was found dead in the second floor bathroom. Some students were shocked, but most didn’t care very much.

When longtime affiliate senior Jake Martin was asked about what he thought of Sincerely Stefan he said,“I read Sincerely Stefan one time.”

Students like Martin are the students who are going to miss Sincerely Stefan the most.

Many other students were asked about Sincerely Stefan, but most couldn’t answer because they were in a rush. A rush to not answer questions about Sincerely Stefan, that is.

“I don’t even know what Sincerely Stefan is,” said senior Sameer Patel when asked about his feelings towards the column.

Many other students also didn’t know what Sincerely Stefan was.

When Sincerely Stefan was found dead somewhere, he was found with a picture of himself and a journal. Most of the journal consisted of Sincerely Stefan answering questions he was asking himself.

Another part had to do with a study he took about himself in which he found that at most 100 percent of the Cal students could be reading Sincerely Stefan, and as few as 5 percent of people were reading it. We later found out his study was wrong.

No one was ever really sure why Sincerely Stefan was in the newspaper.

It had grammatical errors, and periodically offended everyone. But it kept getting printed.

“Sincerely Stefan is still in the newspaper?” exclaimed senior Patrice Mardo, Editor in Chief of The Californian.

When going through Sincerely Stefan’s journal we found a note to all his readers. It was the only thing he wrote about that wasn’t too over exaggerated and only a little dumb.

The note reads as follows:

Dear readers of Sincerely Stefan,

I leave you all of my articles that I’ve wrote for The Californian. You’re welcome. I have been growing old and I think my days are coming to an end.

I loved helping a few of you with your problems. Most of you just sent me insulting comments rather than questions. I forgive you.

I want you all to know even though I’m gone I’ll still be in your hearts.

Sincerely, Stefan