By Jen Hight
Artists are always discovered through fantastic means. Justin Bieber was discovered on YouTube.com. Weird Al was discovered when he stomped on some weasels.
But now it is Cal High’s time to shine. Senior Vanessa Von Rotz has been recently discovered as the greatest singer in a car at Cal High.
Vanessa has been singing in a car since the moment she was born. In fact, she was born with a silver iPod car charger in her mouth.
She is a very picky car singer, and specific requirements have to be met for her to share her wonderful talent.
Her first demand when she enters a car is for all the windows to be rolled down.
“So (everyone) can hear my talent,” Vanessa said.
All of the music on her iPod corresponds with her moods. She plays Katy Perry when she’s happy, screamo when she’s angry, etc.
“I get some pretty odd stares,” Vanessa said.
She also needs her iPod to play her favorite songs to her friends. Her top three songs are “Peacock” by Katy Perry, “Do you Believe in Life After Love?” by Cher and “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley.
“I’ve even been Rick Rolled in my own car,” Vanessa said.
Vanessa’s final demand is the vehicle in which she travels must be large enough to match her talent. Hummers are fine, Smart Cars not so much.
“My singing talent is bigger than Smart Cars,” Vanessa said.
She has admitted her sudden rise to fame has given her problems.
Vanessa said her ego has grown larger than Charlie Sheen’s, but on the inside she remains the same Vanessa.
“It’s a dog eat dog world,” said senior Brianna Maes, when asked about the car singing industry, “One word messed up, and I’d get rid of her.”
Vanessa has begun to face the stark reality of car singing. Recently, it was made clear to her that all professional car singers need to have a license to sing. Although she has not been pulled over by the police for singing without a license yet, she has received some complaints.
“They don’t deserve to hear my voice anyway,” said Vanessa.
Cal choir teacher Lucerne Mottaz said Vanessa has been fighting an ongoing battle by getting professional help for her steeringwheelophilic tendencies.
Steeringwheelophilia is a rare genetic disease, leaving the singer unable to sing without the usage of a steering wheel.
“To be honest, it happens from time to time,” Vanessa said, “I sometimes need to picture my car’s environment to sing.”
Thankfully for Vanessa, experts say that the condition is treatable.
Vanessa has been showing steering wheel withdrawal in choir practices, which includes shaking, weeping and curling up in a ball in a corner and speaking Na’vi.
“With a lot of intense physical and drug therapy, she’ll be able to relinquish her steering wheel,” Mottaz said.
Part of the reason Vanessa has been able to battle this condition is because of her car singing idol, senior Ross Smiley.
“We do the most outrageous things together,” Vanessa said.
Ross is one of Vanessa’s closest friends, and he has been with her through her entire journey. He was even there when she started making her friends audition to enter her car, and miraculously passed the audition.
Senior Jordyn Rapposelli said Vanessa is such a great car singer, she makes “American Idol” worship at her feet.
“It’s not worthy of that whatsoever,” Jordyn said, referring to Vanessa’s voice. ‘I think she should get her own show called ‘Oh My God It’s Vanessa!’”
Of course, the biggest concern Cal High has about Vanessa isn’t if she’ll go on “American Idol.” Students aren’t that shallow. No, what really matters is what Steven Tyler will think of Vanessa if she auditions.
Tyler will definately want Vanessa to walk this way toward that golden ticket, because Vanessa’s voice makes Janie want to leave her gun in Vanessa’s car.
