By Ashby Huber, staff writer
This coming holiday has always been full of uncertainty and questions.
From figuring out the stability of your relationship, to trying to step up your game and be the ultimate ladies’ man, there are some questions that should finally be answered.
Valentine’s Day question No. 1: Why do we give flowers?
We pick flowers to watch them die. If you get flowers as a gift then your loved one wants you to know that soon, your relationship will die with them.
Valentine’s Day question No. 2: Where are the most romantic places to take my obvious soul mate?
If you’re looking for a local getaway, take a trip under the Cal High bridge next to the homeless man.
Not only will he share his blanket, he also makes perfect snuggle buddy for you and your spoonee.
Forget getting your beloved the boring old flower arrangement as mentioned before. Instead take a quick car ride to Orchard Supply Hardware (a.k.a. OSH, where the love grows). You can spend the night among the scented flowers and take a ride on a lawn mower built for two.
If you’re feeling silly, take your loved one to a park and watch the children frolic as you envision your life together.
Meeting little kids will also give you ideas of names for your future love babies.
The dark confines of the Boomers arcade is another great spot for a romantic night out.
Setting the mood will be easily accomplished with the flashing lights and the ever-so-fragrant McDonald’s french fries.
Finally, Valentine’s Day question No. 3: What are those Necco Sweatheart candies made of?
Everybody mentally cringes when they’re handed a box of those powdery hearts. They throw them away without looking at the ingredients and move on to the better candy.
During my extensive research on this subject, I found the two main ingredients in a Necco Sweatheart.
They are made of colored chalk and crystalized tears of the lonely.
There will always be questions that can never be answered. But as long as you have love in your heart, this holiday will be full of merriment and splendiferous love.
