By Stefan Chapman, staff writer

Dear Stefan,

I have been trying to do something special with my girlfriend for Valentine’s Day but I don’t know what to do.

– Clueless Lover

Dear Clueless Lover,

Try and surprise her with something that’s never been done before.

You don’t want to look cheesy by doing the norm. You should blindfold her because surprise is the best way to be romantic.

Take her to a movie. Don’t tell her which movie and don’t let her take the blindfold off. At the end of movie let her remove the blindfold. Then ask her if she can now see why you love her so much.

Another cute thing to do is come to school dressed like Cupid, but go all out. Be armed with a bow and arrow. You should go into every class she has and shoot arrows at her while yelling, “This is only because I love you”.

Draw a whole bunch of pictures of her looking really ugly, and put her name at the top in big letters. Tell her it’s the opposite of how you see her and make her hang them on her wall.

Avoid her all of Valentine’s Day, and the next day tell her you were thinking of her.

Truthfully, I feel it’s the thought that counts.

Dear Stefan,

What is the meaning of Valentine’s Day if you’re not in a relationship?

– Lonely Person

Dear Lonely Person,

That’s a very good question. Some people would say it’s a special day to spend with someone you love.

Others might say it’s to honor Saint Valentine, and most say it’s for holiday sales at the mall. If you thought any of those things then you are wrong.

Valentine’s Day is about making lonely people feel lonelier. Which, of course, I think is disgraceful.

If you’re alone on Valentine’s Day celebrate it like you’re in a relationship. Go to the register at See’s Candies and request the biggest box of chocolate they have.

Then eat all of it angrily in front of the cashier and then pay with pennies.

Make reservations for 10 people at a fancy restaurant, and eat your whole meal alone.

Remember, you’re not the only one alone on Valentine’s Day, so maybe a lonely party would be your best bet at a good time.

Dear Stefan,

Where are the valentines?

– Chocolate Junkie

Dear Chocolate Junkie,

If you’re asking me where to find the best valentines, then I can’t help you. I’m terribly sorry. If you’re asking me where stores are hiding the good valentines, then you’re in luck.

Most people who work at stores try and hide the best valentines for themselves.

So, you just need to know where to look. They’re usually kept in large bags of candy themed for Valentine’s Day. You may find that when you open it up there is nothing but candy in there.

That’s where I come in. I have a keen eye for finding these hidden valentine gifts.

Try sending me all your candy you buy, unopened. I’ll look to see if there is any sort of prize in there, and if there is I’ll send it right back to you.

There is nothing better than surprising someone with a gift on Valentine’s Day.