By Joseph Bugbee, staff writer
It’s February and love is spreading like the plague. Also, spreading like the plague are sexually transmitted diseases.
Hopefully, this article will catch your attention as a helpful defense against those who take the path more traveled by.
If you’re smart on this Feb. 14, it will be the only thing you catch.
With a little preparation the big V.D. won’t need to stand for Venereal Diseases.
Cheesy lines on a Valentine’s Day card are used every year, providing the perfect cover for you to subtly check your loved one’s loving status.
For example, “Your eyes are of the clearest blue, did you come out clean on your check-up too?”
But, if your dear darling is a few lines short of a sonnet, it might be best to take precautions into your own hands.
Nothing says “I love you” to your loved one like a box of chalky sweetheart candies, and nothing says “Take one pill a day for two weeks” like prescription medicine.
All you have to do is convince the lackluster light of your life that the little writing on the side really does say “Be mine” and let penicillin do the rest.
Sometimes it takes a little more than a clever ruse to sneak out your beloved’s most contagious secrets.
A bundle of roses should do the trick.
Roses are the most natural “enhancement drug.”
If you are saying sorry, or just trying to look nicer on a date, roses enhance your performance like no other.
In the words of Teddy Roosevelt, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.”
Well not everyone can be Teddy, so a bundle of roses will do just fine.
Roses provide the perfect opportunity to get the inside scoop on your loved one’s past.
Simply purchase the reddest roses at the store, pass them to your sweet, and whisper softly into his or her ear, “Does this smell like chloroform to you?”
The jokes on them because it really does!
Just a few quick samples and you’ll be in the clear before their head clears up.
Some people feel these actions are a betrayal of their youthful love, and that “trust” is important in every relationship.
At times like these it’s important to remember, “betrayal stings, but chlamydia burns.”
