Dear Stefan: I have a boy problem. I tend to follow this boy wherever I go. I hope he’s not weirded out. How do I avoid getting arrested for what some people call “stalking”?

– Right Behind You

Dear Right Behind You: Now stalking is just a word , a word that some people might view as inappropriate, but not me. If you’re a stalker it just means you’re committed to your goal.

I’ve heard plenty of stalking stories, but this time I suggest a different approach.

Instead of the routine sending of letters or locks of your hair, go bigger. Make posters and hang them at his favorite spots in town.

Have things written on them about how he is the one who actually loves you.

When he walks to class, walk in front of him and ask people why he’s following you.

Take pictures of your house and Photoshop him in standing right in front.

Wait until he has no choice but to date you so the rumors of him being a stalker will stop.

So, now I ask you, Right Behind You, what kind of stalker are you? Are you a follower or a leader?

Sincerely, Stefan

Dear Stefan: Some people (and by “some people” I mean “everyone I know”) tell me I am on Facebook way too much. How do I lessen my time spent with my 429 online friends? What am I supposed to be doing?

– Constantly Commenting

Dear Constantly Commenting:

First of all, you should probably delete those friends off Facebook. What kind of friends are they to tell you that you can’t be doing something you love?

Real friends comment on your pictures and say things you want to hear instead of telling you the truth about how you look on a day–to-day basis.

You say you want to decrease your time with your friends on Facebook, but what is friendship but a number?

Everyone knows the coolest kid is the one with the most Facebook friends, not the truest friends. On the other hand,. you could try bowling.

Sincerely, Stefan

Dear Stefan: I keep hugging my teachers, but none of them hug me back. What are creative and legal ways to force them to reciprocate my affection?

– I Love My History Teacher

Dear I Love My History Teacher: I feel you should not hug your teachers. If your teachers are like me they probably think it’s creepy.

If you really want them to reciprocate their affection toward you, try getting a good grade in a class.

Everyone knows love is easy as A, B, C.

Sincerely, Stefan

Dear Stefan: Well, Stefan, I really have wanted to write into you recently, but I haven’t thought of any good questions to ask.

What will happen if I write in a bad question? Will you use it?

– Mr. Worried

Dear Mr. Worried: Like all bad questions we burn them.

Just kidding. You shouldn’t feel bad about sending in questions. Everyone is doing it, and that’s how you know it’s cool.

I use bad and good questions, but mostly good. Say you accidentally send in a bad question no one in the newspaper room will scoff at you in the halls probably.

I love questions. I will even try to solve your dilemma no matter how you write it. Please Mr. Worried don’t feel bad about sending in questions, just do it.

Sincerely, Stefan

Email your questions  to [email protected].