By Jen Hight
“The dress code is a myth,” said junior John Marshall. “Just like Alaska.”
That may be true in many students’ minds. But now many of those students have received dress cuts and are furious that administrators would order them to cover their bodies from the loving light of the sun.
The few students who dare to rise against the tyranny of administrators by wearing short shorts and spaghetti straps should be Kardashian-like heroes to the student body.
Students should worship the ground on which these heroes strut.
These heroes, busted for T-shirt violations, have all said the same things: they were specifically singled out because they were way too sexy for their shirts.
Sophomore Alex French was pulled in to the office even though she was wearing long sleeves.
The problem? Her shoulders showed, along with her bra strap.
Alex was forced at pencil point to change into a tasteless neon orange Cal High shirt.
Oh, the humanity.
Administrators then took her original shirt and conveniently lost it.
She was able to reclaim it after torturous minutes of searching.
Junior Nora Cruz was also pulled into the office because her bra-strap showed.
Her outrage was so great that she returned home after being forced to change into a PE shirt.
“There’s no point of being at school with a PE shirt,” Nora said in disgust.
Sophomore Maria Naranjo was pulled in because her shorts were too short.
Maria said her treatment was unfair because her shorts were from mid to lower thigh.
“They don’t sell things longer than shorts, or else you die from the heat,” said junior Shaylin Higgins.
Students who forsake the heat, and life itself, can look in the student handbook for the dress code rules.
Principal Mark Corti has noticed a similarity between fashion trends and what students wear.
Recently, short shorts have come back in style as Kourtney and Khloe’s shorts have gotten shorter in Miami.
Corti said students have taken short shorts to a new low.
In fact, Corti said most of the dress code violations are for short shorts.
Freshman Taylor Tsuji says girls wear short shorts to show their shapely rears to attract potential boyfriends and get attention.
“Short shorts for life,” said junior Jesse Erven, who heartily enjoys both ogling at and wearing them.
Jesse said he knows there is a dress code, but he goes out of his way to not follow it.
It seems like this year, Cal is cracking down on the dress code especially hard.
More people are taking advantage of administrators when they don’t strongly enforce the dress code. But some girls still run from administrators at breaks to avoid being caught.
Sophomore Maureen O’Neil said the dress cut problem isn’t actually a problem, because students would still take advantage of the system, even if it was strongly enforced.
Last year, students like Maureen felt there was no dress code enforcement.
Corti said the two hardest things to enforce on campus are the dress code and garbage.
Assistant principal Jennifer Tilton said there should be photograph example in the student handbook showing students dress code violations.
Taylor, Alex and Nora agree this would help students conform to the dress code.
She said spaghetti straps and fettuccine straps are out, along with angel hair straps. But lasagna straps would probably work.
She admitted that the administration does in fact confiscate the students’ clothing.
This confiscation policy has led 45 of 56 students asked in a non-scientific poll to believe administrators are making a bonfire with their clothing.
“No comment,” Tilton said, laughing.
The student body almost believed her.
There is no Bonfire of the Bra Straps.
The only way to protect students from dress cuts is to wear full body jump suits.
But soon, administrators will pull students in for too-tight jumpsuit violations.
There is no way to win against the dress code menace. Our best bet is to hunker down until the Terminator comes from the future to save us from our oppressors.
